I hate that I loved him. I don't even know why I did, considering all of the extremely awful and arguably disturbing circumstances. I didn't even know that love was what I was feeling until, well, several months later. I think you realize you're in love when you memorize how they sleep and how their face changes when you say certain words. It sucks. It really does. I wish I hadn't been in love with him, because he absolutely didn't love me back. At all. And I shouldn't have even loved him to begin with. I wish I loved my high school boyfriend, when the circumstances were "normal," but I didn't love him. I jumped into a relationship with him right after things ended with the one I did love. I was so broken, and I didn't even know it. It's weird, you know, how messed up things can be without you even realizing it.